There is little doubt that as a CASA we often feel like we are fighting a losing battle. One in which the climb is so steep it seems we will never reach the top. That no matter what we do, it's never enough. This week I want to share you a story of a boy whose battle is over and hopefully remind you why we fight.
People ask me all the time what they should do when they suspect abuse or neglect. "Call!" I reply with fervor and commitment and hopefully convince them that there is no other choice. A child is depending on you. But it's not always as easy as just picking up the phone. Neglect is much harder to report. This young man, we will call him Joshua, was neglected. No physical scars, but hunger and abandonment were the things that haunted him. Surrounded by an immediate family that was indifferent to his existence, he struggled everyday to find someone who would just validate his existence. Just acknowledge that he was breathing and that his breath mattered. I was lucky to be one of those people from time to time. I gave hugs, offered encouragement, teased with him a bit, laughed at his jokes. It was easy to do really, because although his behavior in class wasn't always up to par, he was a kid who was easy to like. A smile that lit up a room, a laugh that was infectious, and a voice that was old beyond his years. It was a bit raspy, and when he sang, it gave pause to those who were listening. And I knew about his hunger. I knew that he was neglected. I knew because he told me so. "Should I call? What would I say? That this young boy said it was so, so it must be true. Right?" But I didn't call.
Teachers, counselors, neighbors, even relatives knew it was bad. Collectively I am sure that we would have all been able to piece together an all too familiar tale of neglect and abuse that this young man and his siblings endured everyday. But it seems we all chose to help independently. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but looking back, perhaps there was. We spoke about him often to one another. Bemoaning his life and shaking our heads in dismay. "Poor boy," we would say.
On the last day of school there was a picnic and, as was typical, his parent chose not to attend. I offered my services as surrogate mom and he accepted. We ate hot dogs and chips and sat in the shade and talked and laughed. When my son and I got up to go, I gave him a hug, told him to call me if he needed anything this summer. Gave him a kiss on the top of his sweet head and waved goodbye. Four hours later he was in a hospital fighting for his life. Five hours after that, he was dead.
His death was an accident. No foul play involved. He wasn't beaten. He didn't starve to death. I am devastated as his death, but moreover I am crushed by his life. That so many of us stood by, "doing what we could" and that this young man who bravely got up out of bed everyday to face a world full of disappointment and instability, was allowed to flounder. We didn't do enough. I could have done more. His death has served as a reminder to me that it is not enough to just care. It is not enough to just "do my part". Someone must rally the troops for boys like Joshua and take the next step. Make the call. Be the difference.
When I told my boys about their friends death, they said to me, "Mom, it's okay. He had a hard life and he's in a better place now." I couldn't agree more.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
The Cab Ride
I arrived at the address and honked the horn.
After waiting a few minutes
I walked to the door and knocked. 'Just a minute', answered a
Frail, elderly voice. I could hear something
Being dragged across the floor.
After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in
Her 90's stood before me. She was wearing a
Print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned
On it, like somebody out of a 1940's movie and by her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets.There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.
'Would you carry my bag out to the car?' she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman. She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb. She kept thanking me for my kindness. 'It's nothing', I told her.. 'I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother treated.
'Oh, you're such a good boy, she said. When we got in the cab, she gave
me an address and then asked, 'Could you drive through downtown?'
'It's not the shortest way,' I answered quickly..
'Oh, I don't mind,' she said. 'I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a hospice.
I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. 'I don't have any family left,' she continued in a soft voice.. 'The doctor says I don't have very
long.' I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.
'What route would you like me to take?' I asked.
For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator.
We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds. She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl.
Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and
would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.
As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, 'I'm tired. Let's go now'.We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was
a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a
Portico.
Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her. I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a
wheelchair.
'How much do I owe you?' she asked, reaching into her purse. Nothing,' I said.
'You have to make a living,' she
Answered.
'There are other
Passengers,' I responded.
Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly.
'You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,' she said. "Thank you.'
I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light.. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life..
I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?
On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life.
We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments.
But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully
wrapped in what others may consider a small one.
PEOPLE MAY NOT REMEMBER EXACTLY
WHAT YOU DID, OR WHAT YOU SAID ~BUT~THEY WILL
ALWAYS REMEMBER HOW YOU MADE THEM
FEEL.
You might help make the world a little kinder
and more compassionate random acts of
kindness that most benefit all of us.
Life may not be the party we hoped for,
but while we're here, we might as well dance!
I arrived at the address and honked the horn.
After waiting a few minutes
I walked to the door and knocked. 'Just a minute', answered a
Frail, elderly voice. I could hear something
Being dragged across the floor.
After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in
Her 90's stood before me. She was wearing a
Print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned
On it, like somebody out of a 1940's movie and by her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets.There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.
'Would you carry my bag out to the car?' she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman. She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb. She kept thanking me for my kindness. 'It's nothing', I told her.. 'I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother treated.
'Oh, you're such a good boy, she said. When we got in the cab, she gave
me an address and then asked, 'Could you drive through downtown?'
'It's not the shortest way,' I answered quickly..
'Oh, I don't mind,' she said. 'I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a hospice.
I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. 'I don't have any family left,' she continued in a soft voice.. 'The doctor says I don't have very
long.' I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.
'What route would you like me to take?' I asked.
For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator.
We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds. She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl.
Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and
would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.
As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, 'I'm tired. Let's go now'.We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was
a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a
Portico.
Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her. I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a
wheelchair.
'How much do I owe you?' she asked, reaching into her purse. Nothing,' I said.
'You have to make a living,' she
Answered.
'There are other
Passengers,' I responded.
Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly.
'You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,' she said. "Thank you.'
I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light.. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life..
I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?
On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life.
We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments.
But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully
wrapped in what others may consider a small one.
PEOPLE MAY NOT REMEMBER EXACTLY
WHAT YOU DID, OR WHAT YOU SAID ~BUT~THEY WILL
ALWAYS REMEMBER HOW YOU MADE THEM
FEEL.
You might help make the world a little kinder
and more compassionate random acts of
kindness that most benefit all of us.
Life may not be the party we hoped for,
but while we're here, we might as well dance!
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Layers and Two bad and good Traits
I sometimes feel like an onion...I know this sounds crazy.....Peel me back...sometimes I am raw and sometimes I am whole...sometimes I am cut and sometimes I am sliced...
Do you ever feel like God is apparent, translucent, and other times he is hiding from you? I felt that way last week and some this week! I have some issues on my mind and wish I could find time to pray for wisdom and relief...just some minimal personal struggles! I have a two bad traits that I would like to share......
Wasted time makes me cringe.
I'll admit it. I have a love affair with productivity. I do a lot in my life and partly that's because I do it fast. I talk fast, I move fast, I type fast, I blog fast. I've always gotten great satisfaction out of giving myself a short time frame in which to do something and conquering the task in the allotted time, and then rewarding myself. Usually by letting myself organize something fun. I'm stupid like that. I love using time wisely, getting my work out of the way so I can take the kids to the park or whatever. The flip side of this anal retentive character quality of mine is that wasted time makes me cringe. I don't mind if we're at a park, lounging in the sun, swinging the day away. That isn't wasted to me. True, I sometimes have to force myself and to enjoy the journey of life, not only the destinations.
We have boys.
In case you haven't noticed, we're a testosterone only family. I am the only female at home, besides the two dogs, Lucy and Annabelle, and guinea pigs (what are their names?).
"Field trip" or small adventures to parks or the mountains, or a different restaurant are my favorite. I love to leave on a whim and discover new and interesting places and things!
Going out and learning about life in the real world is an amazing way to learn. Our children are especially hands on learners, very active, and most of the time happy.
Because, really, who doesn't want to throw rocks into a river and spend quality time with your kids?
I am a VERY SCHEDULED PERSON
I LIKE to know what's for dinner and what we have going on that night, and often feel defeated and frustrated when things don't go the way I planned. Athough sometimes I don't plan things at all and I like it that way...weird..I know....I do on the other time love to go out on a whem and go, do, and have fun!
How on earth do my two traits coincide? Not so well sometimes and I need God's guidance and often, but don't always seek him...frustrating I know....uggh
So I come to you Lord and ask for Control and Strength to make my rambling known!
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Alone
Well it is the one time of the year that Sam goes away with several of his friends for a weekend of fun, soccer, and of course 6th street. He goes to Austin for the state soccer tournament and I get to stay home alone...technically not alone....am I ever alone....who are these kids following me and why are they calling me mom??...Oh well, he deserves it, but I get stuck with all his duties and mine, uggh. So tonight I will be coaching for him and Saturday morning, i ditest....So off to a weekend full of teaching (me for work), coaching soccer and some swimming pool clean up...my idea of a great time?? I guess not??
Those who love me, I will deliver; I will protect those who know my name. When they call to me, I will answer them; I will be with them in trouble, I will rescue them and honor them. With long life I will satisfy them, and show them my salvation.(Psalm 91:14-16)
Monday, April 5, 2010
Not Me Monday
I most certainly did not get really uncomfortable at a soccer game and remove my bra through my sleeve and then put it in my purse because it was so uncomfortable. I then did certainly not attend the entire soccer game braless. I most certainly did not accidently let out a small poot and blame it on someone else in the room! I most certainly did not sniff around my son's cast almost daily to make sure that it was not smelly. I most certainly did not give my son a good yelling at when he made a bad grade and then to find out, the teacher had made a mistake and he did ok, not me I am always right and never make mistakes, cause that's how I roll.
Friday, April 2, 2010
A Very "Good Friday"
Have you ever wondered why the church calls today “Good Friday”? What’s so “good” about the fact that the One who Christians acknowledge as their “Savior” died such a horrible and “unexpected” death?
As humans, isn’t it hard for us to see death as a good thing? Most of us will spend all of our lives living in fear of death…doing all we can to avoid death. Many of us try to eat right, exercise, and stay generally healthy so that we can live long lives…and the rest of us feel guilty about not eating right and exercising.
But, Jesus said that He came to the earth, to live for a short 33 years, to have a public ministry of just 3 years, and to die, all so that we might be able to live an abundant life. To our simple human brains, that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. The idea that death can bring life is what we would call a “paradox”.
A paradox is a seemingly absurd or self-contradictory statement, idea, person or thing that is true or may be true. In other words, a paradox is something that is true even though it might not seem to make any sense to our human intellect.
For example, the statement, “This sentence if false” is a paradox. If the statement is true, then the statement is false. In which case, the statement is true, which means the statement is false...and so on for infinity.
Another paradox: “You can't get work without experience, but you can't get experience without work.” Somebody explain to me how exactly that’s supposed to play out.
How about this: “The customer is always right.” So, if two customers say that the other is wrong, both are right, and therefore, both are wrong that they are both right that they are both wrong that they are both right that they are both wrong, etc.
God is a God of paradox. For example, have you ever tried to think about the fact that God “Always has been”? For God, there never was a beginning. That’s a hard thing for us to wrap our minds around, considering we know without doubt that everything we experience as humans had a beginning at some point, even if we weren’t there to witness it.
Or, how about the idea of The Trinity – God is One and Three all at the same time. Even our best attempts as humans to explain this idea fall short. Maybe you’ve heard somebody use water to illustrate the Trinity of God…water can be a solid, liquid and gas. But, water cannot be all three of those things at the same time.
And, just as God often reveals Himself as a paradox, Jesus’ life on this earth was a paradox…listen to this:
JESUS had no servants, yet they called Him MASTER...
JESUS had no degree, yet they called Him TEACHER...
JESUS had no medicine, yet they called Him HEALER...
JESUS had no army, yet KINGS feared Him...
JESUS won no military battles, yet He CONQUERED the WORLD...
JESUS committed no crime, yet they CRUCIFIED Him...
JESUS was buried in a tomb, yet He LIVES TODAY...
It probably seems odd to most people outside of the church that Christians would gather together once a year to remember and celebrate the anniversary of Jesus’ death, but it’s because of this paradox, that Jesus’ death means life for you and I, that we have reason to celebrate. Death on a cross is a gruesome thing…bloody and painful and humiliating. Yet, there is a beauty in the death of Jesus, knowing that He willingly died because of His great love for us.
As humans, isn’t it hard for us to see death as a good thing? Most of us will spend all of our lives living in fear of death…doing all we can to avoid death. Many of us try to eat right, exercise, and stay generally healthy so that we can live long lives…and the rest of us feel guilty about not eating right and exercising.
But, Jesus said that He came to the earth, to live for a short 33 years, to have a public ministry of just 3 years, and to die, all so that we might be able to live an abundant life. To our simple human brains, that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. The idea that death can bring life is what we would call a “paradox”.
A paradox is a seemingly absurd or self-contradictory statement, idea, person or thing that is true or may be true. In other words, a paradox is something that is true even though it might not seem to make any sense to our human intellect.
For example, the statement, “This sentence if false” is a paradox. If the statement is true, then the statement is false. In which case, the statement is true, which means the statement is false...and so on for infinity.
Another paradox: “You can't get work without experience, but you can't get experience without work.” Somebody explain to me how exactly that’s supposed to play out.
How about this: “The customer is always right.” So, if two customers say that the other is wrong, both are right, and therefore, both are wrong that they are both right that they are both wrong that they are both right that they are both wrong, etc.
God is a God of paradox. For example, have you ever tried to think about the fact that God “Always has been”? For God, there never was a beginning. That’s a hard thing for us to wrap our minds around, considering we know without doubt that everything we experience as humans had a beginning at some point, even if we weren’t there to witness it.
Or, how about the idea of The Trinity – God is One and Three all at the same time. Even our best attempts as humans to explain this idea fall short. Maybe you’ve heard somebody use water to illustrate the Trinity of God…water can be a solid, liquid and gas. But, water cannot be all three of those things at the same time.
And, just as God often reveals Himself as a paradox, Jesus’ life on this earth was a paradox…listen to this:
JESUS had no servants, yet they called Him MASTER...
JESUS had no degree, yet they called Him TEACHER...
JESUS had no medicine, yet they called Him HEALER...
JESUS had no army, yet KINGS feared Him...
JESUS won no military battles, yet He CONQUERED the WORLD...
JESUS committed no crime, yet they CRUCIFIED Him...
JESUS was buried in a tomb, yet He LIVES TODAY...
It probably seems odd to most people outside of the church that Christians would gather together once a year to remember and celebrate the anniversary of Jesus’ death, but it’s because of this paradox, that Jesus’ death means life for you and I, that we have reason to celebrate. Death on a cross is a gruesome thing…bloody and painful and humiliating. Yet, there is a beauty in the death of Jesus, knowing that He willingly died because of His great love for us.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
STRESS
LOOK at the 4000 dollar smile, priceless!!
Stress- a feeling that's created when we react to particular events. It's the body's way of rising to a challenge and preparing to meet a tough situation ...
So how do you deal with stress? I usually break down and cry, but this week doesen't allow...that's right...I don't have time! Let me just say we had a great week last week on spring break and did basically nothing,. no agenda, no practices (ok only 3) and it was very low key. We did have Cayden again most of the week, but other than that it was relaxing. This week nope....It started out Sunday...
1. Laundry-catch up, fold, put up times 6! (7 if you count Cayden)
2. Spencer hurt his arm (later we find out broke his arm)
3. Tanner gets his braces off
4. Spencer (3 doc appts.)
5. Me have to work and work in all the appointments and reschedule lots of work stuff, plus 2 reports, uggh...
6. Getting ready for CASA class, yes I am teaching the 30 hour class the next two months....lots of prep...lots of overtime....experience
7. Sam's in the playoffs and I am suppose to work about 60 hours this week!!!
Now that your stressed out, bring it on STRESS, I can handle you!!
Monday, March 15, 2010
Manic Monday
Friday, March 12, 2010
SPRING BREAK 2010
Well Spring Break 2010 begins for me today!! Im off for a week and so are the kids. Were planning some yard work and garage cleanup. We still have stuff that we have not used and needs to be ditched or brought inside. Sam plays Rider tonight to start out the break! Hoping for a win to start the break out right!
Monday, March 1, 2010
CAYDEN
Well Amanda, Sam's cousin had her baby today so we inherited a one year old for a few days! He's precious and into everything! We'll be pretty busy for a while!
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Living on a Prayer
Tanner had Disciple Now this weekend so we decided to join in and go with him to First Baptist. Sam grew up going to church there so we decided to visit, The sermon was great, music was ok and the time was good!
The sermon was about seeking God's provision and depending on God daily. We as humans have a tendency to worry about things that we cannot control and I am a HUGE WORRYWORT! I probably spend 40 % of my day worrying or questioning things, it's who i am! The pastor said something that is soooo true. Spend more time as a child and don't control and worry so, leave it to God! I would love to be a 2 year old and rely on the "big people" to do all the work and feed me, clothe me, etc... Im going to work on that, letting God, my father do all the "worrying"
"So do not worry about tommorrow;for tommorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own." Matthew 6:34
"So do not worry about these things, saying, "What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear? These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly father already knows your needs." Matthew 6:31-32
Friday, February 26, 2010
Cry out to Jesus
To everyone who's lost someone they love
Long before it was their time
You feel like the days you had were not enough
When you said goodbye
And to all of the people with burdens and pains
Keeping you back from your life
You believe that there's nothing and there is no one
Who can make it right
There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus
Cry out to Jesus
"I believe in Christ like I believe in the sun, not because I can look directly at it, but by it I can see everything else." -Author Unknown
Please join me in praying for my cousin Robyn as she has surgery today!
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Why Big Families Might Be Easier
Share by Matthew Archbold
A woman said to me recently that my five children were very well behaved. It’s one of the best things I can hear so I thanked her. Then she asked me “how do you do it with so many?”
I told her that I don’t think I’d be a very good parent of one child or two. She didn’t believe my answer but honest to goodness, I sometimes think that having many children is easier than just one.
Why big families are easier:
Patience. I never have to teach patience. My children know that I can’t drop everything for them if I have a baby in my arms.
Work Ethic. My children have learned to work because there are always chores to do in a small house packed with little messy lunatics. And they all learn quickly that sometimes they have to clean up a mess even though they didn’t make it.
Humility. My children have learned it’s not always their turn. They’ve accepted they can’t always get their way because other people have to get their way sometimes. They’ve learned that some children are better at certain things than they are.
Foreign language skills. You can learn a lot of Spanish by watching ten years of Dora the Explorer that you just can’t pick up in two. And now with the Diego spin off I’m practically fluent.
Laughter. The children have learned to laugh at the insane non sequiturs of younger siblings. They’ve learned that laughing just feels better when seven people are doing it along with you.
Competition. Do I really need to go into this? Everything is a competition in big families. The children compete over who reads faster, who drinks their milk faster, who gets to the bathroom first…etc. Everything is a competition and they’re all keeping score.
Balance. The floor of the front room of my home is a minefield of toys and childhood paraphernalia. Just walking through the room requires great skill and balance. I’m absolutely convinced my two year old will be a favorite for Gold on the balance beam in the 2016 Olympics. (She might have to lay off the cookies a little but I’ll deal with that later.)
Life isn’t fair. Sometimes you just give it to the baby because you want a little quiet. Not all the time. But sometimes.
Just say “No.” Being able to say “no” may be the most undervalued skill in this world. The need to be liked is pervasive. The need to be cool even more so. Having brothers and sisters teaches children to say “no” about 143 times a day. It’s a good skill.
Praying. They learn that nothing beats praying together as a family.
Nature/Nurture. Having many children has taught me that nature has a lot more to do with who my kids are than nurture. This is helpful, especially when your children misbehave you don’t have to feel bad about it. Just say “Stupid nature!!!” and blame your spouse’s genes.
Namecalling. You can occasionally call your child by the wrong name and still not be considered a terrible parent. They know who you mean just from your tone. Sometimes if you need something done you can call the wrong name and someone will still show up. That helps.
Spying. My children have learned that they can’t get away with anything. I have spies who look a lot like them who are willing to drop the dime on them for anything. Even at school I’ve got a child in just about every grade. If they do something I’ll hear. That keeps them nervous. And I like keeping my kids a little nervous.
Friendship. The children have many friends. They’ve got girly friends, crying friends, fun loving friends, consoling friends, and crazy friends. And they all have the same last name. And they’ll be there forever for each other. No matter what.
Love. I think my children have learned to love because there are others around them to love and who love them. I honestly can think of no better way to teach children to love than siblings.
I so agree with this post and for all of you that look at me like I am crazy, well Sam and I are, but we just wouldn't have it any other way......We love kids and will do what God calls us to do! CRAZY for some NORMAL for US!
A woman said to me recently that my five children were very well behaved. It’s one of the best things I can hear so I thanked her. Then she asked me “how do you do it with so many?”
I told her that I don’t think I’d be a very good parent of one child or two. She didn’t believe my answer but honest to goodness, I sometimes think that having many children is easier than just one.
Why big families are easier:
Patience. I never have to teach patience. My children know that I can’t drop everything for them if I have a baby in my arms.
Work Ethic. My children have learned to work because there are always chores to do in a small house packed with little messy lunatics. And they all learn quickly that sometimes they have to clean up a mess even though they didn’t make it.
Humility. My children have learned it’s not always their turn. They’ve accepted they can’t always get their way because other people have to get their way sometimes. They’ve learned that some children are better at certain things than they are.
Foreign language skills. You can learn a lot of Spanish by watching ten years of Dora the Explorer that you just can’t pick up in two. And now with the Diego spin off I’m practically fluent.
Laughter. The children have learned to laugh at the insane non sequiturs of younger siblings. They’ve learned that laughing just feels better when seven people are doing it along with you.
Competition. Do I really need to go into this? Everything is a competition in big families. The children compete over who reads faster, who drinks their milk faster, who gets to the bathroom first…etc. Everything is a competition and they’re all keeping score.
Balance. The floor of the front room of my home is a minefield of toys and childhood paraphernalia. Just walking through the room requires great skill and balance. I’m absolutely convinced my two year old will be a favorite for Gold on the balance beam in the 2016 Olympics. (She might have to lay off the cookies a little but I’ll deal with that later.)
Life isn’t fair. Sometimes you just give it to the baby because you want a little quiet. Not all the time. But sometimes.
Just say “No.” Being able to say “no” may be the most undervalued skill in this world. The need to be liked is pervasive. The need to be cool even more so. Having brothers and sisters teaches children to say “no” about 143 times a day. It’s a good skill.
Praying. They learn that nothing beats praying together as a family.
Nature/Nurture. Having many children has taught me that nature has a lot more to do with who my kids are than nurture. This is helpful, especially when your children misbehave you don’t have to feel bad about it. Just say “Stupid nature!!!” and blame your spouse’s genes.
Namecalling. You can occasionally call your child by the wrong name and still not be considered a terrible parent. They know who you mean just from your tone. Sometimes if you need something done you can call the wrong name and someone will still show up. That helps.
Spying. My children have learned that they can’t get away with anything. I have spies who look a lot like them who are willing to drop the dime on them for anything. Even at school I’ve got a child in just about every grade. If they do something I’ll hear. That keeps them nervous. And I like keeping my kids a little nervous.
Friendship. The children have many friends. They’ve got girly friends, crying friends, fun loving friends, consoling friends, and crazy friends. And they all have the same last name. And they’ll be there forever for each other. No matter what.
Love. I think my children have learned to love because there are others around them to love and who love them. I honestly can think of no better way to teach children to love than siblings.
I so agree with this post and for all of you that look at me like I am crazy, well Sam and I are, but we just wouldn't have it any other way......We love kids and will do what God calls us to do! CRAZY for some NORMAL for US!
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
M E M O R A N D U M
To: My employers
Jake CEO of Crying For No Reason
Spencer, President of Being Extremely Sensitive and Emotional
Patrick, Vice President of Being Overly Demanding and Loving
Tanner, Director of All Things Smelly and Senior Drama King
From: Your dedicated, hard-working employee (aka - MOM)
================================================
First, let me start this memo off by saying how wonderful it has been working for you all. When I was hired for the position of "Mother", I truly underestimated just how fulfilling and rewarding it would be. Each day is full of new adventures, among other things (yeah, let's just leave it at that, shall we?).
There are some things I've been wanting to address with you and I feel now is as good a time as any. I mean, it's not like you all could fire me.....right?
1) My hours: When I was initially hired, I understood the position called for 24-hour shifts. I had no problem with that. It was a new job for me...one that I had never done before and I welcomed the hours with open arms. However, over time, I feel like you all have been taking advantage of me. You never mentioned that the 24-hour shifts would be never-ending. I'm being paged at odd hours almost every single night and I'm expected to work overtime quite frequently (although is there such a thing as overtime when I'm working never ending 24-hr shifts?)
I am proposing a change in my hours (don't you love how I make it sound as if it's your decision but we all know it's really not). I would appreciate not being expected to clock in any earlier than 7:00 am and I'd like to complete my work day by at least 8:00 pm, if not earlier. I'd also like to only be on-call at night for emergencies only, like when you have a nightmare in the middle of the night or if you wet your bed.....emergencies that do not constitute paging me: you have a booger in your nose that's not quite within your reach or because you're scared that your eyelashes are going to disappear if you close your eyes for too long. I haven't decided if "my butt itches" is considered an emergency....I suppose it depends on WHY your butt itches but, chances are, it's something that can wait until the next morning.
2) My benefits: This falls right in line with my hours (see above). I would like to be able to take personal days here and there, as needed. Of course, I would give you advance notice so you could find a temporary replacement (might I suggest your father, who is perfectly capable of filling in for me). Oh, and you are no longer allowed to cry, whine and scream to me "Mom, I want or need you...." as I'm running out the door. Guilt trips will no longer be acceptable. I also would appreciate regular 15-minute meal breaks and 5-minute potty breaks for every 2 hours that I work. I think that's very reasonable. Furthermore, I will be taking sick days, as needed. Nothing excessive but if I should come down with a blinding migraine (that, chances are, you all caused...and I say that with all due respect of course), I'd like to know that I won't have the added pressure of having to work that day. Again, your father is a willing and able substitute in my absence (he may not be aware that he's willing and able but, trust me, he is).
Even though this is not a paid position, it would be nice every once in awhile to receive a gift certificate from you for a massage or a mani/pedi (just to show your appreciation of all my hard work).
3) My job responsibilities: While my job responsibilities were never really clearly discussed in detail, I did have an idea of what the position would entail. With that said, as time has gone by, I've taken on so many more responsibilities that have left me feeling overwhelmed. I feel like I'm not able to give my full attention and devotion to other aspects of my job because I just have so much on my plate on a daily basis.
The following is a list of jobs I will no longer be doing:
wiping the butts of those of you who are potty trained
running around like a chicken with my head cut off at meal times fetching "this and that" for you all that I never get a chance to sit down myself and eat
providing constant and never-ending entertainment
cleaning up the toys that you take out but never seem to put away (I'm not buying the whole, "But I don't know where to put it away" excuse anymore)
no longer responsible for scissor mishaps....you cut your own hair, it's your problem; oh, and no longer protecting any of you from chopping off your own fingers....one less finger means less nose-picking, or butt picking, which you already know annoys me
breaking up fights 24 hours a day (one can only say "use your words" and "we don't hit your brother" so many times a day before she is deemed legally insane)
warming your food twice a day in the microwave (man-up already....from what I know, cold food has never killed anyone)
fighting with you all to brush your teeth twice a day (if your teeth rot and fall out, you'll just have to drink all your food through a straw).
4) My right to privacy: Now this is something I feel very strongly about and I feel that it's gone on for way too long. I am now requiring total and complete privacy when I'm in the bathroom (that includes going to the bathroom, taking a shower, getting dressed, etc). The harrassment that I'm subjected to on a daily basis is just inappropriate and downright rude. No employee should ever have to sit there while the bosses ogle her and scream out, "Look at her boobies". Last time I checked I was no longer required to fulfill the job responsibility of stripper.
From now on, you are no longer allowed to enter the bathroom when I'm in it (including sticking your hands under the door and yelling, "how many fingers can you see now?" over and over until I scream "leave me alone please", banging on the door repeatedly with the hopes that I will eventually cave and let you in, and beating each other up outside the door with the expectation that I will be able to hold my pee long enough to break up the fight).
Lastly, I would like to thank you for the wonderful learning opportunity you have provided me with. While I'm sometimes guilty of making mistakes and not performing tasks to the best of my abilities, I appreciate that you all have continued to encourage me with your never-ending smiles, hugs and kisses.
Someday, I hope to be promoted to the coveted position of "grandma".
Take the Plunge
So I finally took the inevitable plunge and bought me a mini-van. My husband tells me to look at it as a rite of passage, a plunge of fun, but I see it as I am old and finally a true soccer mom! I like the amenities and additions, but it still is a minivan. I also told him that if i had to drive this piece of machinery it would need to be loaded, and it is. It is great for the kids and Tanner is fine with me picking him up from junior high in it so I guess it works for our growing family. We still need a name for her, I think i will go with Shamu for now!
Monday, February 22, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Lazy
I felt very lazy yesterday and so we had fend for yourself last night! Whoever thought of this (Kari) was a genious! My kids love it they each get to eat and make whatever they want for dinner, (examples cereal, leftovers, ramen, sandwich, corndog) I was so tired last night that I went to bed around 8, (never happens)! Sam got everyone to bed and homework done! I was relieved as I woke up at 4:30 for a out of town work trip, uggh. Tanner and Spencer fight relentlessly, it's so annoying! I thought when they got their own rooms it would get better, nope. They argue and are caddy to one another. I keep having them do pushups and picking a chore, but it does not help. Does anyone out there have a space cadet child? One that never brings home homework, never gets his binder signed and doesn't really care about punishment, join me, i do i do! Tonight will once again be busy....track started today for Tanner, soccer practice, school play, different school mtg., dinner, homework, play date, oh and karate....Im going to lay down for a nap...just kidding!
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Stomach BUG
Jake had the stomach bug yesterday and I hate vomit! I ditest vomit, it usually makes me vomit. In fact i tried to call Sam to come home and deal with it but he could not. I did deal with it, pretty well, I think, and we made it through. I had many complaints about what I pay for chores yesterday. I pay 25c per chore, they are not the "usual" everyday chores that are required. they are pretty simple stuff like sweeping one room, windexing the tv's, etc. Well I also use them as punishment. You can draw one if you are misbehaving or talking back. What do you think, too much, too little? Hey if you want some extra money do the chores, that's what I have to say! Happy FAT Tuesday, eat something fattening like I do daily!
Monday, February 15, 2010
Not ME Monday
I am participating in NOT ME MONDAYS! Join in you know you do embarrasing stuff daily if not weekly! I certainly did not wake up late and take the kids to school in my robe and UGGS fresh out of the shower with nothing underneath. I most certainly did not dig through dirty clothes to find my dirty jeans to wear on jean day at work, no not me. I most certainly did not want to sleep in and let my kids eat all the valentines candy they got for breakfast, no not me, I am never lazy and let my kids eat crap for breakfast!
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Valentines
Patrick and I made a snowwoman named Bethany yesterday. She was lovely with her bikini tube top, carrot head, and grenadine smile. Needless to say, Bethany was knocked over today by Spencer...short lived...i know.
So today is Valentines Day, the day of romance, love, and admiration. Sam took me to Pelicans' last night for dinner and the boys went to the YMCA for some activities. We didn't have much to do after dinner (because of time constraints) and so I pondered what will it be like in ten or fifteen years when we don't have kids at home, fun or boring......I wonder what will keep us occupied and what we will do with all of our free time and money?? I'm sure we will still be spending our money on them, but my nest will be very empty! Oh well i'll enjoy the time I have them and Sam will continue counting down the days until they leave, just kidding....pondering
So today is Valentines Day, the day of romance, love, and admiration. Sam took me to Pelicans' last night for dinner and the boys went to the YMCA for some activities. We didn't have much to do after dinner (because of time constraints) and so I pondered what will it be like in ten or fifteen years when we don't have kids at home, fun or boring......I wonder what will keep us occupied and what we will do with all of our free time and money?? I'm sure we will still be spending our money on them, but my nest will be very empty! Oh well i'll enjoy the time I have them and Sam will continue counting down the days until they leave, just kidding....pondering
Friday, February 12, 2010
Lucky
I feel lucky to have such a wonderful family! We have been busy trying to get the new house together and I feel JOY that the boys have their own space...finally! Do you ever catch yourself in a rut...im not sure if it is weather or what lately, but I am so sleepy and love my bed these days..ok everyday! I wish i had energy to do more with the boys the last two weeks, but im just well....exhausted! It kinda makes feel like Im not a very good mom when I am so ready for bed at like 6 PM! I'm very busy at work and struggling with 27 cases. Tanner had his first Valentines dance tonight. He went with Blythe Culley, a family friend. He reports that it was a "blast"! I miss those carefree days of junior high. Jake and Patrick are dealing with a upper respitory infection and ear infections, uggh! Spencer told me today he's sick of the snow already, me too! Sam started district last week and has two wins under his belt, so were off to success so far, or at least a happy hubby in the evenings.
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